I do exist!
It’s been so long since my last post. First off, I apologize to my few regular readers. I have been returning to a normal life after graduating (YAY!) and moving back home (read: mooch off my parents while I still can). I had boxes and laundry baskets full of God knows what crammed into my room for three days while I tried to sort things out. It’s been kind of crazy and I’m sure you understand.
Graduation went really well. The speaker turned out to be Richard Smith, a top dog from Newsweek and someone in my field. Oh, how I wish I could have talked to him instead of immediately being shuffled outside. I would have done pretty much anything (within reason) for a chance to talk with him, even for a few minutes. It also turns out that I graduated summa cum laude and my senior thesis was accepted by the Honors College. It was a GREAT day.
And now I turn to more serious matters. It’s just more bad news bears for the automotive industry as Chrysler declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy yesterday morning. When are the automotive people going to get around and come up with a solution that works? Clearly something needs to be done toward alternative fuels in addition to changing operations. I’m sorry, but CEOs need to take a pay-cut too – and a big one at that. Continuing to earn $3 million plus is NOT okay when the average joe is getting his measly salary cut in half. It seems like the economy needs a hero of epic proportions.
But I am also pleasantly surprised that I have been able to apply for several print media positions across the state of Michigan. I wasn’t expected to see the number of open positions as I have seen, albeit not many. My field seems to be just as bad if not worse than the automotive industry in terms of the job market and funding. I haven’t gotten any good news on that front yet, but hopefully someone will see my talent and give me a shot. Lord knows I DO NOT want to keep working at a smoke-filled bar for long. At least I’m able to freelance.
Well, this post has been a huge jumble of thoughts and probably none of it too interesting. But it’s past my bedtime and I’m tired. At least I stayed up to update. Aren’t you glad you have a dedicated blogger to read?
Empty walls and hollow sounds
My apartment on campus is getting pretty depressing. We’re all moving out this week as the semester comes to a close and we move on. My roomies and I have been gradually packing up our stuff and bringing it home. The walls are bare where my roommate’s Twilight posters were hung and the polka-dot wall stickies were removed. My room is also devoid of posters with a nearly empty closet and bookshelf. And it’s starting to echo in the apartment, which is the most hollow sound imaginable when it’s the place you’ve lived in for eight months.
Even though I’m happy to be graduating and moving forward, I can’t help but be sad that I won’t be coming back next year. This year has been awesome and I never thought it would be because of my crazy schedule. I actually got placed with an amazing roommate whom I now consider one of my best friends. She has made this stressful year so much more fun than it would have been without her. I will miss her extremely off-key serenades and drunken debauchery, which always led to some hilarious entertainment and me putting her to bed. I’ll even miss her super pink room where we would sit on her squishy foam-topped bed and talk for hours. She is hands down the best roomie I’ve ever had.
I don’t know what the world will hold for me after graduation. I’m so used to being a student that I’m not quite sure about how to operate in the professional world. I’m not a kid any more, though I still go running home to my mom when something happens – she’s always been my rock in this hectic world. I know that these feelings are normal, but it’s scary knowing that you’re on your own now.
It’s almost as though some little piece of my heart just emptied out and I don’t know how to fill the space. Corny, I know, but that’s how it feels. John Mayer sums it up perfectly. I’ve never connected with a song more than I do right now with “Stop This Train.”
Lyrics:
No, I’m not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can’t sleep on this tonight
Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But honestly, won’t someone stop this train?
Don’t know how else to say it
Don’t want to see my parents go
One generation’s length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But honestly, won’t someone stop this train?
So scared of getting older
I’m only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said “help me understand”
He said “turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate”
“Don’t stop this train
Don’t for a minute change the place you’re in
And don’t think I couldn’t ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we’ll never stop this train”
Once in awhile, when it’s good
It’ll feel like it should
And they’re all still around
And you’re still safe and sound
And you don’t miss a thing
Till you cry when you’re driving away in the dark
Singing
Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I’ll never stop this train
Milestones
Today is a day of milestones. It’s my adorable roommate’s 21st birthday and it’s the day I get the first signatures on the final version of my senior thesis.
My roomie is so thrilled to be 21. She’s been so excited about it over the last few days and it’s hard not to smile at her enthusiasm. When she eventually goes to bed, I’ll be decorating the apartment for the occasion. She and I went out to a local bar and grill because she wanted to be in a bar when she turned 21 at midnight. I bought her the very first legal drink she’s ever had, and I consider that a privilege. She’s an amazing, upbeat and ridiculously funny person and she has changed my outlook on life considerably. I hope that we will be able to stay in touch after I graduate this year as I consider her one of my best friends. Lord knows I’m going to make a conscious effort to talk to her regularly and not let her slip away like some of my high school friends. She’s so important to me.
Beyond that, my senior thesis is DONE. I was beginning to think it would never happen. I’m down to getting the appropriate signatures and handing everything in to the Honors College. It’s a huge step toward graduation that I’ve been dying for for about the last month. I can’t wait to get it off my hands and have some time to enjoy my last weeks in college. As much as I’m ready to move on, I’ll miss college. Who wouldn’t?
All Pomp and Circumstance
I picked up my cap and gown today for my college graduation in a month. Though I’m still worried about my future as mentioned previously, I am excited to be graduating. Let’s just say that I’m happy to be moving on, and also happy that the gowns are black.
I received a couple of comments from two of my professors today that have somewhat eased my mind. Both had expressed that I was an outstanding writer and that they would gladly write recommendation letters for me. One even said, “You’re more than on the top of the list. You’re really the cream of the crop.” That comment surprised me, I must say, but I was very flattered and thanked her even though I’m sure there are better writers than me out there.
I don’t think it will seem totally real until I’m walking across that stage in front of loved ones surrounded by a crowd of total strangers. Yes, I’ve already had one major realization that I’m graduating, but it’ll be truly driven home in a month. Until then, I’ll be frantically working on getting my senior thesis project together and sent through the various departments to approve it. That’s a heavy weight on my shoulders at the moment and I’m praying that it will come off soon.
All in all, things are beginning to come to a rapid close. And though I’m anxious about it, I’ll be happy when it’s over.
Growing pains
I’ve been working on my senior thesis project over the last few days which involves researching ways to increase newspaper readership in the age of electronic media. Then it hit me today while writing about the introduction of the World Wide Web.
I’m GRADUATING.
In a little over a month I’m going to be set free upon the world and left to my own devices. I won’t lie – that thought honestly scares me.
When did the world get so big? That kid song lied. This so totally isn’t a small world. It’s huge and open and intimidating. My place has always been at home with my family and friends or at school studying. And now I have to step out of that world and into a career. But before I’m able to start that career, I have to tread that shaky bridge between the small world I’ve known my whole life and the next world that I’ve never been introduced to. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m only 22 for crying out loud.
But I know my journalism field. I know how to work within it quite effectively. I know that I really do know my stuff. I’m graduating with high honors for heaven’s sake. So why wouldn’t I be able to fit into the workforce? There’s really no reason why I shouldn’t. It’s just a lot unfamiliar territory and anyone could be scared of that, right?
The current economy is also creating chaos with my ability to cope with the upcoming freedom. Journalism is already one of the lowest paying fields right out of the starting gates. And because of electronic media, employers are cutting back right and left. Will I be able to get a job? If so, will I be able to keep that job? Am I going to be able to get married, get a dog and eventually have kids? What the hell am I going to do if I can’t? There’s all these unanswered questions circling around my brain and no one seems to be able to provide even half-assed answers.
I miss the days when it was simpler. I never realized how good I had it coming home from only a half day of kindergarten to a peanut butter and jelly lunch waiting for me made with love from mom. We would watch Little House on the Prairie together before my sisters got home and I’d have mom all to myself. I didn’t have to worry about money or having a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I didn’t have to worry about what’s for dinner or when I had to go to work. All I concerned myself with was being sure to ask everyone in my morning class if they would be my friend and making sure that the afternoon student who sat at my desk didn’t touch my stuff.
I don’t want to move out of Michigan and away from my family, but that’s a very real possibility. My parents have been my rock through everything and it’s downright petrifying to think that I might not have them easily accessible face-to-face. They were there when I got my first B+ and calmed me down when I was shocked and upset. They were there when I was being threatened by a crazy ex-boyfriend in the seventh grade. They were there for all the miseries and frustrations of high school and my first job. They got me to college and let me abuse their washing machine and raid the pantry at home. And my mom still turned on my heated mattress pad this winter when she knew I was coming home late from work to a freezing-cold house.
I guess the whole idea and everything that goes into it is overwhelming. Let’s face it – I’m overwhelmed by reality.
Birthday musings
Well, I’ve made it another year. My birthday is just around the corner. I’m turning another year older and coming up on an extremely pivotal time of life.
I graduate college in a few months. I’m being turned loose on society and hopefully I’ll be able to snag a professional job and become my own entity. Soon I won’t have health insurance through my parents or be claimed as a dependent on their taxes. I’ll be getting my own apartment and maybe a dog if I can manage it.
I’m not sure what the next year will bring. I can only do my best and work toward becoming a productive member of society. Got any advice?
